G'day from Bill

[swanhillbilly]

Hi I have just joined and am already enjoying some great poems.
I have an interest in bush poetry, listening, learning some reciting to the groans of my family but I have a few laughs  . I have written a couple of poems that I would like an opinion on, I don't really know what makes "bush verse" or just poems. I will put up my sausages poem and see what you reckon.
I may not even be in the right spot for putting poems but I willget more used to how the site works with time.
            Sausages


Now you may call them sausages
Though some say mystery bags
To others they are bangers
 But to me they’re known as snags

You will never know what’s in them
That’s the secret of a few
But of all the ways to eat them
The best is barbeque

Still you can have them in a curry
Or with eggs upon your toast
But don’t you be like Macca
Who once had them for a roast

There are eating feats to boast of
When your round the barbeque
Like Thommo’s thirty in one hour
They say he didn’t even chew

But the records held by Jim Mc Cue
Who once ate fifty two
But after eating all those sausages
He had to go and have a ……..sleep

I once had this continental thing
Filled with chillies pork and stuff
It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever tried
One bite of that one was enough

It burnt a hole right through my tongue
Singed the whiskers from my beard
My eyes were blurred from the tears I got
And I won’t say what it done to my rear

Now the Poms have their black pudding
Though I can’t stomach that
What a waste of good intestines
Strewth I’d sooner eat my hat

Then the Germans have their sausages
They say their wurst is best
But the good old Aussie banger
 From the barby tops the rest.
                                                      Bill Bennett   

I hope that you like it

[zondrae]

Welcome Bill,

Yes I did have a little giggle at your poem. How long have you been writing?

I was introduced to Bush Poetry about 6 years ago when I went to the Poets Breakfast at a Folk Music Festival. I wrote two poems in the following 12 months and got up, on shaky legs, the next year at the same festival. Since then I have learned sooo much from reading and watching others present both their own and classic bush poetry. The Australian Bush Poets Assn defines Bush Poetry as "Poetry with Rhyme and Metre (rhythm) with an Australian theme". It does not have to be about the bush as in horses, sheep, bullocks etc. but anything that tells of our Australian landscape or way of life, both country or town.

The hardest part of writing a good 'competition' piece for me has been getting a handle on correct Metre. From this one poem you have posted, I think you may be having the same problem. When I began writing I started by counting the syllables in each line and making sure that each stanza was the same as the one before. eg. 14 syllables in the first line and 10 in the second. Then I looked at some famous Australian Poets and tried to analyse their styles. This doesn't fix the metre but it is a good place to start. There are  few tutorials out there written by well known and accredited poets. (I'm still very much a learner) But I am having a ball in my retirement years just putting my thoughts into verse and getting up at several festivals and reciting my own work.

However if you are just writing for pleasure, then there are no rules.  Good to see someone new on the site. Please read the announcements at the top of the index page. Ric will not be able to support us for much longer and is looking for another computer whizz to take over the site.

 

[tomchap]

G'Day Bill, and welcome,

What is generally understood to be "bush poetry" has regular rhyme and rhythm. And the subject matter should reflect the Aussie lifestyle.
On those three things your rhyme is almost perfect, the only slight aberration is in the third last stanza - beard and rear have the same vowel sound, but are not a complete perfect rhyme. Getting that right can consume a lot of time in your writing, but I think it's well worth it.
Your subject matter is spot on - great!
The rhythm is not consistent though. The number of strong beats in the lines vary and the arrangement of strong and weak beats also changes. Try to feel the pulses in the words while saying it out loud. If it's right, it will flow really comfortably.

Good to see you here and look forward to more.

Cheers
Tom.

[swanhillbilly]

Thanks Tom and Irene for your response, I need to know all that kind of things I have been listening for about 5 years or so Irene and writing for a couple but mainly only for fun???. It seems like hard work sometimes. I also went to a poets brekky about 2 years ago at toolybuc which stirred me along. We, my family, wife and 3 teens lived in Darwin and on one of our travels  were lucky enough to hear Mark Klienschmit, and I have learn't a couple of his poems.

[Irene]

Hi Bill
Welcome to the site - what a great way to start!!! Hope to read plenty more of your poems - loved it!!!

I see you attributed Zondraes comments to me - that's ok!! I don't mind being muddled up with her - she writes great poetry!!!    Wouldn't mind being able to write like her!!!

I am no good at getting up and reciting poetry - makes me too nervous - so what I write is more to be read rather than performed. As such, I tend to focus a lot more on the metre. (Can get a bit monotonous though when recited!!) With that in mind, I have taken the liberty of making just a couple of changes which may solve a couple of those variations from metre that Tom spoke of. However, your poem is obviously meant to be recited, and you no doubt do a wonderful job as it is of putting the stress where you want them to go, so I am not suggesting you have to change it.

Now you may call them sausages
though some say mystery bags
to others they are bangers
but to me they’re known as snags.

You’ll never know what’s in them,
that’s the secret of a few
but of all the ways to eat them,
the best is barbeque.

Some have them in a curry or
with eggs upon their toast.
but don’t you be like Macca who
once had them for a roast.

There are eating feats to boast of when
you’re ‘round the barbeque
like Thommo’s thirty in one hour –
he didn’t even chew.

But the record’s held by Jim McCue
who once ate fifty two,
tho’ after eating all those snags
he had to have a …..sleep

I tried this continental thing
with chillies, pork and stuff
it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever tried –
one bite was just enough!!

It burnt a hole right through my tongue –
I even shed a tear
It singed the whiskers from my beard –
don’t talk about my rear!

Now the poms have their black pudding though
I couldn’t stomach that.
What a waste of good intestines. Strewth!!!
I’d sooner eat my hat.

Then the germans have their sausages,
they say their wurst is best,
but the good old aussie banger from
the barby tops the rest.


As Zondrae says, there is lots of information out there (including on the main section of this site) about writing bush poetry. Two very good tutorials are written by Ellis Campbell ( on this site) and Glenny Palmer. In fact, Glenny is running a workshop in February in Beaudesert, Qld. Not sure where you are from tho' - could be along way to travel!!!  . Thought about going over to it myself, but can't quite justify the flight fares to my husband!!! I am waiting for her to come over to the west again!!.

I use two on line sites frequently
 www.rhymezone.com - if I am stuck for a rhyming word, and
www.dictionary.com - don't use this as often, but the thesaurus section is good if you are not sure on the syllable count. There has been some good discussions on this site in times gone by about how many syllables are in particular words!!!

The important issue though Bill, is that you write for yourself, and for your enjoyment!! So long as you enjoy what you write, your poem is well written!!! The only rule on this site is that you have to post lots of poems for us to read!!! (OK - I just made that up!!! But please do!!!)

Catchya
IRene

Nearly forgot - the usual place for posting your poems is under the Members poetry section. Doesn't really matter one way or the other, but that  seems to be the most widely visited section.