The Sober Temperate Shearers

I was out of a job and going bad
In the Weekly Times I saw an ad
"Shearers wanted" the advert said
"Must be sober, for a temperate shed"
Now I'm a man who likes a drink
And I really didn't know
Just how the hell I'd go in a shed
Where temperance is all the go
But I made the call and got the pen
And came up here with all these temperate men
Steam Plains was the first shed
And everything was fine
We had a few quiet drinks of course
And then we came to Gundaline
Now if you've ever been to Gundaline
Unless your a wowser or a fool
You'll know the shed's just down the road
From the pub at Carathool
Big Kevin, the bloke who owns the pub
Is a very genial host
And somehow I think the boys had a bet
As to who could drink the most
They staggered home at two o'clock
The very first Thursday night
And from the tallies they shore next morning
They must have given the booze a fright
Friday night I went along
To find out for myself
Just what this temperance was all about
But they drank me under the shelf
Saturday morning they were at it again
And they went for it hot and strong
Drank every drink off every shelf
And they stayed there far too long
Big John let all the dogs loose
Andy bogged his truck
And Pete went out on his motorbike
To chase a wild duck
And I thought myself at four a.m.
As they staggered to their bunks
If this is a sober temperate team
Lord spare me from the drunks

© - Kevin Magher